If tiredness and overwhelm has led you to believe that the combination of mothering and pleasure is impossible – yet your body wants to know more… then let this Diamond Mother Archetype give you an education.
This facet of the mother won’t accept the limited role description that traditional motherhood prescribes.
Meet the Sensual Mama.
The archetype that requires you to unlearn, unravel and surrender to FEELING IT ALL.
The fiery and the tender. The uncomfortable and the delicious. The agony and the ecstasy.
Her lesson isn’t easy, but it’s profound. She teaches us that in order to experience pleasure, we must be open to experiencing pain.
Particularly the pain we might have worked so hard to erase. Push down. Numb out.
The hard truth is that if we’re not willing to engage the full, felt experiences of life; the rich juiciness at the pleasure end of the spectrum will be lost to us. And that would be a damn shame, mama.
Ultimately, we’ve been lied to.
Women have been fed huge myths around mothering and pleasure.
We’ve been sold that unless it serves others, our sensual, emotional nature (and yes, they’re linked) is less than desirable.
Untrustworthy. Weak. Unproductive. Over-indulgent. Too much.
But please, trust me when I say that exploring and reclaiming the Sensual Mama archetype in you, is the opposite of all this.
Cultivating true intimacy with both your external and internal felt senses holds the potential not only for more pleasure in motherhood, but will revolutionise your relationship to your desires – in every sense.
Embodying the Sensual Mama is not about “performing sexy” in any way, shape or form.
To genuinely expand the capacity for both mothering and pleasure to co-exist within you, the cultural narratives that dictate how we must look, dress and behave to be sensual or pleasing to others MUST be rejected.
You must learn to define and own pleasure on your own terms.
If you can begin to relate to sensuality not as a quality only some women possess – but as a vital force of ALIVENESS available to us all, it will nourish and sustain you beyond what you ever thought possible.
Let’s get specific:
3 surprising ways that cultivating your inner Sensual Mama will enhance your life for the better
1. When we’re alive to our senses, we make better decisions
Our culture says, that when faced with crucial decisions, we must “think critically”. We prize an intellectual approach – assessing the pro’s and cons, trusting only the data and listening to external expertise.
But what about the decision-making capacity of our felt senses? Why don’t we trust that the ball of knots in our stomach, the relentless headache, or the tightness in our chest is sending us a very clear message as we weigh up our options?
Because communing with our senses and allowing our body to lead is a feminine quality. And the feminine in our culture is not to be taken seriously.
Except, our body won’t lie – where our brain absolutely will.
Our mind WILL distort the feedback of our felt senses. It will attempt to rationalise and convince us of what is “right”. It will squash intuitive guidance and deep knowing.
The Sensual Mama archetype asks us to turn to the wisdom of our body first. The tricky part is, that this wisdom will lead us to our truth, regardless of whether the truth is welcome.
And if the truth isn’t welcome, as long as we’re able to stay with the discomfort of any incongruence with honesty, the Sensual Mama will continue to explore the nuances held in our body and gently support us to take the smallest, most important actions first (without overwhelming our system).
If you’ve been looking outside yourself for guidance your entire life, inviting in this archetype can feel unsettling at first. Becoming your own authority is an inevitable byproduct of communing more deeply with our senses.
It’s where you begin to call the shots over how you live. It’s where mothering and pleasure become less luxury, and more integral to the core of your being and how you show up in the world.
2. Self-regulation, self-soothing and self-compassion during tough times
Amongst the never-ending challenges inherent to parenting, perhaps the most intense and universal is the utter depletion, particularly in the first year. As mothers, we navigate new territory relevant to feeding, sleeping, health, development, and of course – the evolved status of our partner relationship.
If you’ve found yourself in complete overwhelm at any stage of the mothering journey, then you’re human.
Often this might be where we turn to numbing ourselves and our feelings by eating crappy food, drinking too much wine in the evenings or spending too much money online shopping. Been there. Done it all.
The benefit to this way of coping is a brief, sweet high that momentarily keeps the darkness from swallowing us.
The problem is that when we become well practiced at these numbing behaviours in our avoidance of the uncomfortable, we lose the ability to be open to and enjoy the pleasurable aspects of life.
We become robots on autopilot, the idea of mothering and pleasure being so far from what our mind can conceive, that rather than open to feeling it all (the shitty and shameful), we block it all out and create more distance between us and joy.
If we’re willing to explore another way – not only to survive motherhood, but deepen and enliven our relationship with it, then encouraging our sensual side could be the answer.
The Sensual Mama prioritises an intentional relationship to our whole being as an embodied mother.
We can ditch the lace, red lipstick, and sexy moves (but bring it on, if that lights you up!) All that’s necessary is a conscious commitment to feel and move with what arises. Learn about our breath. Practice how to ground and feel safety in the body.
When we can regulate our nervous systems, we create greater capacity for pleasure.
And the best part is, once we become deeply attuned to our senses and trust them to lead us, depletion lessens and we care for ourselves far better, without apology.
3. Our capacity for intimate, rich relationships will expand and deepen
I’d say one of the most consuming, poisonous pitfalls of my first few years as a mother was the relentless resentment I held for my husband’s perceived freedom, while I struggled to reconcile a new, foreign identity in motherhood.
On reflection, I was so disconnected to myself that I was unable to get clear on and effectively communicate my real needs as a new mother.
I just knew I felt frustrated. Misunderstood. Overwhelmed. Lost.
But all these deep, messy emotions came out as envy and spite, rather than an expression of my embodied truth.
Partners who engage with one another from their wounds will find themselves in an un-winnable battle. Partners who engage from their wounds AND who co-parent will inevitably face tumultuous terrain when raising children from this tender, triggered space.
The Sensual Mama archetype teaches us to soften and open to receive.
Of course, commitment from both parties is required to ensure that intimacy thrives; however a woman in deep relationship to her body is a woman who understands the difference between responding from her wounds and articulating integral needs or establishing firm boundaries derived from embodied self-worth.
This is why activating a relational shift from a pattern of resentment, frustration and disconnect into authentic, honest intimacy MUST begin within you first.
It comes from being in relationship to your OWN pleasure. A powerfully magnetic energy that the Sensual Mama inhabits.
An energy invoked each time you prioritise pleasure over productivity that doesn’t feel aligned. Energy that expands when you spend time in nature, slowing your breath and feeling your heart. Energy that pulses in your womb space as you dance in the depths of your feminine essence.
It comes from you claiming yourself as a sensually alive woman.
Without the martyrdom.
Without the victimhood.
Without relying on anyone else to fill your cup.
The Sensual Mama archetype invokes more than you might have initially assumed. In motherhood, we may easily dismiss her. We might push her to the side for when we have more time, or once we’ve finished with the “important business” of child-raising.
But that, dear mama would be a mistake. For mothering and pleasure live within you and the “important business” of child-raising is made all the sweeter, more fulfilling and easeful when you choose this path.
Would you like to get to know your Sensual Mama more intimately, and delve into her pleasure-filled depths to support her to thrive within the beautiful ecosystem of YOU? Trust that this archetype’s sensory, attuned magic already resides within.
Invoke and embody your multi-faceted superpowers and reconnect to your true nature.