A motherf**king shake-up: What the rebel women want

All last week, I was in conversation with women on their journey of un-smothering. The mothers, lovers and leaders. The rebel women, the ones courageous enough to crack open and go deep.

The un-smothering journey is the heroine’s journey. It’s not a path of speed or distance, but rather to deep excavation and the conscious dismantling of all that keeps us from our brilliance.

We spent no time on fluff, instead engaging meaningfully around 4 key areas of growth and transformation inherent to the feminine rebellion: un-learning, ownership, expression and devotion.

They spoke to me about their longings and their hurts. Their struggles and their desires.

They shared where they felt stuck – smothered – as a modern woman, and how, when and where they craved more room to breathe.

The were clear about what rebel women really want and what stands in their way.

I want to summarise what I heard from these women because it echoes so much of my own experience #nosuprisethere

Here’s a snapshot of the 5 common themes:

Disentangling from our “good-girl”

The “good-girl complex” is insidious. It’s the kind of programming that grows legs from the moment a baby girl is born. Well meaning coo’s of “aren’t you a good girl” from caregivers spark a lifelong, often confusing relationship between a woman’s core essence and how she learns she must behave to abide by societal rules.

What women want:

To un-learn ingrained behaviours which:

  • Lead them to censor themselves,
  • Allow their boundaries to be impinged upon,
  • Make asking for what they want feel insurmountable,
  • Keep them from owning their own feminine power and brilliance.

What stands in their way:

  • Brain-wiring that keeps the primal brain stuck in good-girl survival mode
  • Relationship dynamics that perpetuate limited traditional female roles
  • Deep shame linked to supposed “unacceptable” desires
  • And fear of being labelled difficult, a bitch, or a slut for daring to challenge the good-girl requisites.

Learning to trusting our innate self-worth

Almost every rebel woman who shared their challenges spoke about self-worth. Sometimes they spoke about it with fiery commitment, as if it was an illusive acquisition to be won; other times it was with a melancholic, wistful longing for it to finally plant roots and allow them to bloom.

Whatever the case, feeling the unwavering knowing that as an individual, despite any achievements or success, a woman is worthy just as she is, remains one of the biggest hurdles to un-smothering.

What women want:

  • To feel at home in their skin and celebrate the gift of their body
  • To hear their intuition clearly and feel confident in following their own internal guidance
  • To stop pushing and hustling to the brink of burnout in order to be validated as “valuable” and “productive”
  • To own their flaws and shadow as part of being a whole, multi-faceted human.

What stands in their way:

  • Toxic standards and policies that demand women to contort into damaging cultural, social and political boxes to uphold oppressive patriarchal systems
  • Repressed or unresolved trauma and core wounding
  • Feeling “stuck” in or attracting unhealthy relationship dynamics that reinforce low self-worth and poor boundaries
  • Not prioritising self-care and self-devotional practices that support quietening the mind and tuning into the body

Breaking unhealthy patterns and cycles

We’ve all had a childhood. We’ve all had parents. We all carry the DNA of our ancestors. Therefore, on a cellular level we all reenact our history and our programming whether we like it or not. The challenge is to become intimate with the cycles and patterns we breathe life into. To witness them and to understand them in order to begin to dismantle them.

What women want:

  • To re-mother themselves in a way they may not have experienced in their childhood.
  • To know how to establish boundaries from a place of integrity and strength, as well as stand powerfully in the face of repercussions
  • To attract relationships, opportunities and experiences that encourage positive growth and expansion
  • To learn to openly receive love, pleasure and abundance without guilt or shame

What stands in their way:

  • Continual external messages reinforcing “how things are done” and challenging internal knowing
  • A lack of support and/or resources – we cannot break these cycles alone!
  • Overwhelm at where on earth to start, leading to numbing out, disconnection and dis-embodiment
  • Limited self-worth (see above), often passed down via a generational mother wound

Reconnecting to expression and creativity

Oh, how the rebel women craved re-connection to personal expression! Us feminine creatures are inherently creative, sensual beings. In a masculine world, many of us have learned our gifts are less-than-important and subsequently, many of us shut them down early on.

Receiving the label of “too much” at some point in a woman’s life is common. Sadly, the upshot of too much-ness is to reject the expressive parts of our nature that comprise our life-force. Our aliveness. Dancing, singing, writing, painting, being in nature, making magic… all the beauty of the the feminine is still at our fingertips if we’re ready to awaken it.

What women want:

  • To inhabit their bodies fully. To surrender to the entire spectrum of feeling available to them in order to come home to themselves.
  • To reconnect with uninhibited joy and pleasure
  • To reclaim their voice and speak their truth with compassion and conviction.
  • To tune into, revel in and embrace their unique and authentic expression – however it manifests in the world

What stands in their way:

  • Deeply embedded cultural messages that spending time on expression and creativity is not “productive” like intellectual pursuits
  • Possessing the core belief of “not enough”, or the common variation of “too much”
  • Perfectionism or comparison-itis – “why bother unless I can write/dance/sing/cook/paint/etc perfectly like her?”
  • Lost connection to the body and her desires due to depletion, exhaustion, stress, anxiety and overwhelm

Implementing and prioritising self-devotion

It’s common to immediately think of religion when we think of devotion, because we’ve been taught to search outside ourselves for a God who will save us if we devote our lives to Him.

On the un-smothering journey however, self-devotion is the key to unlocking much of the guilt, shame and repressed emotion that we are plagued by in our daily lives. Self-devotion – embodying the divine in us – is about showing up to life in the intention of honouring, loving and holding compassion for all of who we are in our multi-faceted, complex feminine roles.

What women want:

  • To know and connect to themselves as a reflection of the goddess in human form
  • To be resourced with tools and practices to support them to drop into the body on a regular basis and BE with all that arises in trust and flow
  • To model a vibrant and aligned mother who demonstrates to her children that she’s valuable and worthy of time, energy and love
  • To live a full, rich life where ease and pleasure come naturally and the hard, painful times are transformed into opportunities for growth.

What stands in their way:

  • Outdated or mis-aligned ideas of spirituality being about dogmatic, shame-inducing, empty practices of worship to a force outside ourselves
  • Core beliefs of unworthiness that prevent prioritising self over or equal to partners and children
  • Fear of personal change and transformation, and what it might mean for current relationships and life dynamics
  • Having the desire, but not knowing where to start or who to turn to, in learning the art of self-devotion

So, where to from here?

This is THE question for many rebel women on the un-smothering journey.

They feel the call, the pull towards doing life differently. They are unsatisfied, burnt out and know there are shadows in the closet that are begging for attention.

The good news is, that the un-smothering is a journey of feminine embodiment. And as this is the art of learning to fully inhabit ALL of who we are, with love and compassion, there’s nothing linear or prescriptive about it.

The first step for the rebel woman is to choose herself.

Above the expectations, the demands, the conditioning, the shame and the fear.

She chooses herself, time and time again, even when it feels like the hardest choice of all.

She trusts that in healing the collective feminine, she as an individual must go deep. She must devote to un-learning that which has kept her small and polite, and step up to own her story as it stands.

What women want is big. What stands in their way is bigger.

What women are capable of, is even bigger still.

The feminine rebellion is here. It’s fiery and fierce yet soulful and quiet.

If it calls to you, please reach out. For a brief time, I’m inviting the game-changing, rebel women ready to dive deep and embody their most potent desires, to connect with me.

I have limited spaces left in my 6 month Feminine Rebel program commencing in July. This delicious and immersive experience includes intimate 1:1 coaching and mentoring with me, plus complementary teachings and activations within a small, exclusive community of other rebel women.

Make the second half of 2019 count. Choose you.

Schedule a free, no obligation clarity call to see if we’re a good fit!

(Intake closes June 30th / / Program is flexible to kick off any time in July)

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