Faux feminine empowerment: Are you serving women or doing more damage?

I think it’s time we acknowledged the elephant in the room of feminine empowerment.

I believe this elephant to be so dire, that if we don’t acknowledge some painful truths and make strides to do something about them, us women are pretty much shooting ourselves and our desires for equality and feminine empowerment in the foot.

The first truth is that most women in the western world are completely stuck in their heads and disconnected from their bodies. At worst they despise their bodies, and have no sense of self-worth or an inkling of self-acceptance for who they are or the temple they reside in.

But this truth is not new.

The emerging truth I feel to be subsequently and fundamentally concerning is that a vast number of these self-loathing, disembodied women run businesses or are in job roles that exist to support other women to grow healthy babies, birth babies, care for their bodies, empower their relationships, build sustainable careers and become financially abundant, for example.

I believe most are doing this work with the purest of intentions.

They genuinely care for other women and want to see them well and happy.

Yet, good intentions aren’t good enough anymore.

Because at the core level, we cannot possibly break cycles of misogyny and oppression in women-centred work, health and wellness if we hate, mistrust and dishonour OUR selves and OUR bodies.

In lack of service to ourselves, we’re not in integrity with the women we serve. In fact we’re doing the opposite.

We are conspiring against them.

We’re doing more damage to feminine empowerment than we might realise.

At the heart of the quest to demolish misogyny must be those who have done or are doing the inner work required to connect deeply and authentically with the women who have come to them for care and support.

They are worthy of being served by an embodied woman who knows and loves herself first.

Let me break it down:

If you are a midwife and you don’t trust your own body to birth a child, that’s a problem.

If you are a yoga teacher and you’re only focus is achieving perfect poses over developing mindfulness and a loving respect for your body, that’s a problem.

If you are a life coach to women and you’re harbouring unresolved sexual trauma, that’s a problem.

If you are a nutritionist and you obsess over everything you put near your mouth and hate looking at yourself in the mirror, that’s a problem.

If you’re a women’s business mentor and you’re overworked, burnt out and feel numb from the neck down, that’s a problem.

Basically, if you work with women under the guise of “empowerment” or “healing” or “care”, and you’re not committed to deep self-inquiry, processing and releasing shame, developing authentic self-expression, cultivating pleasure and aliveness, and breaking free of damaging matrilineal cycles contributing to the perpetuation of internal misogyny, then that is a problem.

It may sound harsh. It may even sound downright unrealistic to many.

But I believe that we’re in a state of urgency that screams for attention.

We can no longer sweep our own self-loathing under the carpet, drown in our own shame and suffer as a result of our own disconnected relationship to our hearts and wombs, without acknowledging that our disembodiment will inevitably affect the potential growth, healing and transformation of those we support.

So what does it take for a woman to show up in integrity and congruence to another woman she cares for or supports?

The woman who comes to her in her most vulnerable, most impressionable, and often most wounded state?

It does not require perfect execution of models and processes.

It does not require more strategies and policies (although important)

It does not require more expert training and certifications (although helpful)

Instead, it requires an inner journey.

A journey not centred around gaining more external accomplishments to compensate and compete for worthiness, but a journey that dives courageously into the inner landscape, the deeply rooted feminine wounds that prevent true women-centred service in the name of healing and rising.

Let me reiterate. This does not ask women to yet again achieve “perfection” at loving herself.

There is no such thing, and this is ultimately the point.

The point is that when we show up in service of other women in the lifelong process of confronting our own shadow in a way that teaches us to honour ourselves as perfectly imperfect creatures that have been brainwashed by a patriarchal society to believe we are not enough, we are shifting things at base level.

When we’re able to look another sister in the eye in her hardest, most vulnerable moments and unwaveringly proclaim her as the powerful woman she is, because WE have excavated our own shame, unravelled our own mother wound, and awakened to our own feminine power, that is to be of ACTUAL service.

I want to genuinely add that the purpose here is not to shame women who do show up to work, leadership or care roles with the best intentions, yet who haven’t devoted attention to their own wounds.

I know, first hand, that committing to ourselves and our own genuine feminine empowerment first is the biggest hurdle there is.

And doing it without support structures of our own in place is almost impossible.

It can feel scary, overwhelming, and hard to imagine coming out the other side, let alone emerging as more powerful than before.

The invitation here is to begin gently.

To just start noticing the conversations you are having with the women you know and meet. The assumptions. The judgements. The triggers. The discomfort.

Notice times where you are being incongruent. Where you are saying one thing to a woman, but you are showing up in your life completely differently.

Listen a little closer to your body.

How has she been asking you to care for her, first?

Has she been trying to communicate with you, but you’ve been pushing her voice down?

Is she all work and no play? All pressure and no pleasure?

If these are her whisperings, what energy are you bringing to your woman-centred service?

What are you modelling for the women who seek your care and support?

Just some of the questions to sit with if you’re a woman supporting other women and you suspect you have work to do.

To flesh out some of these questions further, starting June 3rd to June 6th, I am offering a free Facebook and Instagram Live Series that will be sure to shake things up.

Join S.MOTHERED: Raise the Rebels Free Live Series

S.MOTHERED: Raise the Rebels is for women who are committed to serving themselves and other women to rise into the most powerful, authentic expression of who they are.

We’ll be breaking down ideas around un-learning what we’ve been taught about motherhood and feminine leadership, owning our shit and stepping into our real-ness, embodying and celebrating all our complexities, and moving into self-devotion in the name of sustaining connection to self and therefore the belief we can truly transform the lives of the women we serve.

This series is for game-changers. Those who know they have important things to do in this life.

If that’s you or you know someone who is, make sure you join us to receive the kick in the pants required to step into your potential.

Sign up here to attend the 4 part Live Series AND receive all the juicy resources!

Loving you as you create REAL feminine empowerment by firstly empowering yourself.

PS: Before the Live Series starts, learn more about me and my work HERE


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