I hate being black and white, but for sake of this post I will be. It seems to me, that as we navigate our paths in life, there are two types of people. Those who accept “their lot” and those who are sure “there must be more”.
Perhaps the grey area are those who feel the uncomfortable curiosity of knowing there must be more, but feel disempowered to follow the breadcrumbs, therefore settling for their lot and numbing out to the internal crisis. Possibly.
My work is my life.
When I say that, I don’t mean that all I do is work and as such, it happens to constitute the bulk of the value I place on being alive.
No, I mean that the very act of being alive, in this body, exploring what it is to feel and BE as the woman I am having the experiences I am, is my work. I just happen to do it alongside other women journeying on a similar path, navigating what it means to be an embodied feminine leader.
This means willingly unravelling on display, to show other women that they have permission to show up in all their messy wildness, and STILL be magnificent and perfectly imperfect.
In all this unravelling, we are writing new rules for ourselves.
More and more, women are standing up and proclaiming their worthiness. Worthiness that has been kept from us as a dirty little secret for thousands and thousands of years.
We are waking up to the fact that all the limitations and restrictions we were born into don’t actually have any weight to them. We are seeing holes in all the lies we’ve been sold about our place at the table, our obligations, our potential and our loveable-ness, and it’s made us VERY FUCKING ANGRY. >> Read more about this here <<
So we decided to learn the truth.
We’ve decided to investigate our worthiness ourselves, and for those who have acknowledged the niggling whispers of “there must be more”… what a bloody revelation it’s been.
As I’ve travelled my own winding path of claiming my worthiness (and it’s a loooong road my friend) I’ve noted some deeply important pillars to remember as the unravelling ensues. There are many more, but at this point in time, I’d like to share with you 3 potent reminders as you honour your journey to learning your own self-worth.
1. You are NOT too much
Babe, I get it. You have been sold that the intensity of YOU is too much. That you “over-think”, “cry too much”, “are over the top”, “have excessive needs”.
But I want to share something with you. We think we are alone in this, but we are SO not. Our “too much-ness” is the gold of who we are. It is the gift we’ve been denying ourselves.
It is worthy to been seen, felt and held. As are you, as the custodian.
Trust that where some people won’t have the awareness, stamina or capacity to hold you in your pain, others WILL.
Learning to receive opportunities to be held in our intensity is often the secret ingredient to seeing ourselves with compassion and forgiveness.
When we can show up in almost agonising vulnerability in “safe spaces”, therefore honouring all our messy shit, we show other women that they too can become an activist in dismantling the idea that who we are is too much.
Find the women’s circles, the groups, the support. Let others HOLD you in who you are. Trust that they can and they will.
2. Make pleasure a priority
You may well be cracking up with laughter right now. But stay with me.
Self-exploration into your feminine truth DEMANDS you to access and prioritise your pleasure.
How does one do this? You ask.
By learning. By investigating. By practicing. By committing.
It’s like the silly ideas that “marriage should be something you just know HOW to do”, or that “having good sex should just be natural and simple”.
NO! Wrong answer.
Pleasure is a learned skill. It can spontaneously erupt, of course… but in a world where we are taught that intellect is more important than intuition and that striving for more and more and more and more, at the expense of our health and relationships is the desirable way to do life, we need conscious devotion to cultivating our pleasure.
Hate to break it to you sister, but on the journey to reclaiming our worthiness, contacting the guilt, shame, trauma and pain through our body is part and parcel.
However, pain and pleasure can exist simultaneously. It is possible to feel deep grief and gift ourselves joyful, pleasurable experiences at the same time. Unheard of, right?
Remember that part about believing the lies of unworthiness?
Once we begin to prioritise pleasure, it doesn’t matter how much pain intercepts the flow.
Pleasure is always accessible and can be cultivated as a way to re-contact our depth and complexity, to remind us of who we really are.
Looking to tap into more pleasure? This Diamond Mother Archetype might be a good place to start.
3.There’s no hurry because there’s no end game
Woman, if there is one thing you can write on your bathroom mirror, it’s this.
Self-exploration, self-awareness, self-development… they are not linear.
Again, in a world where A + B = C and “now that you know the formula you best arrive there quickly”, we can heavily pressure ourselves into knowing exactly what we want and want we need to get there, once we open Pandora’s box.
But it isn’t a straight line. It is not a case of simply arriving at a place where it all makes sense.
The journey to learning our worthiness is a spiral of self-exploration.
We travel down, deep into the cavernous, murky depths, and then we wind our way back up, into the light-filled promising realms of possibility.
And then we do it all again.
The trick is understanding and TRUSTING that the spiral will continue to take you exactly where you need to go at at exactly the right time.
Which indeed feels like trickery, because many times it will be to where you never imagined you would venture.
The art of Feminine Embodiment can be appreciated as a way to surrender into the spiral.
Not in apathy, but in trust.
In embracing the chaos of the unknown with an open heart.
In letting the body bring clarity to what is ready to heal, deepen and be reclaimed along the way.
In understanding that the path to learning feminine worthiness cannot be taken in a linear, masculine fashion.
Because in a state of alignment, we are creatures of flow and ease.
We are women, worthy of our intensity, our emotions, and our pleasure.
We are women. Worthy.
If you are seeking support as your explore your own truthful worthiness, I urge you to follow your own spiral of self-exploration.
Those local to the Sunshine Coast QLD, you are invited to check out my in-person feminine embodiment workshops “Facets of HER”, coming up again late February and early March 2019.
If deep diving one-on-one is your thing, you are welcome to explore my unique approach to working with women and mothers through a blend of Psychotherapy, Feminine Embodiment Coaching and the Diamond Mother Archetypes.