If unlocking the potential for pleasure in motherhood is your quest, then this embodied mother holds the answers. As the facet likely to be relegated to the too hard basket when depletion sets in, she brings with her a powerful message.
She declares that pleasure should not be a “sometimes food”. It should form the basis of the motherhood needs pyramid. If you invite it in and allow it to become second nature, it will nourish and sustain you.
She is the Sensual Mama.
The part of you that surrenders to FEELING it all.
The fiery and the tender. The uncomfortable and the delicious. The agony and the ecstasy.
Her lesson isn’t easy, but it is profound. She teaches us that in order to experience pleasure, we must be open to experiencing pain.
Even the pain we have worked so hard to erase. To push down. To numb out.
We must, otherwise the rich juiciness at the other end of the spectrum will be lost to us. And that would be a damn shame, mama.
The thing is, us mothers have been lied to.
Actually, women in general have been sold some huge myths around our sensual, emotional nature and it has led us to believe that this facet of ourselves is useless. Weak. Unproductive. Over-indulgent. Too much.
Claiming your Sensual Mama is none of these things. Instead, she holds the potential not only for more pleasure in motherhood, but also confidence, calm and connection. To help you to unravel her gifts, here is some insight on this embodied mother.
3 Reasons to re-ignite the Sensual Mama in YOU
1. When we are alive to our senses, we make better decisions
When faced with crucial decisions, we are taught to “think critically”, to assess the pro’s and cons, and to trust the data.
But what about the decision-making capacity of our felt senses? Why don’t we trust that the ball of knots in our stomach, the relentless headache, or the tightness in our chest is sending us a very clear message as we weigh up our options?
Because communing with our senses and allowing our body to lead is a feminine quality. And the feminine in our culture is still perceived as less than.
But those who honour and cultivate a relationship to their sensual nature will reap some serious rewards.
Our body doesn’t lie, but our mind WILL try to sabotage the feedback of our heart. It will try to rationalise. It will squash intuitive guidance that forces us to face that something we desperately hoped would be right, just simply isn’t.
This embodied mother turns to the wisdom of her body first. She knows it will lead her to her truth, regardless of whether the truth is welcome. With clarity and felt knowing, she then considers her predicament through the lens of rationality and pragmatism.
It is this balanced approach that will always support her to make the wisest decisions. In pregnancy and motherhood, when our access to female intuition is heightened, this is a potent and magical gift.
2. We can self-soothe during periods of exhaustion and overwhelm
Amongst the never-ending challenges inherent to parenting, perhaps the most intense and universal is the utter depletion, particularly in the first year. As mothers, we navigate new territory relevant to feeding, sleeping, health, development, and of course – the evolved status of our partner relationship.
It is so normal to find ourselves in complete overwhelm. Often this is where we turn to numbing practices like eating crappy food, drinking too much wine in the evenings or spending too much money online shopping. Been there. Done that.
The benefit to these practices is a quick fix solution, a sweet high that momentarily keeps the darkness from swallowing us.
The problem is that when we become well practiced at these numbing behaviours in our avoidance of the uncomfortable, we lose the ability to be open to and enjoy the pleasurable aspects of life.
We become robot mamas on autopilot, simply as a way to cope.
If we realize this and we’re willing to explore another way – not only to survive motherhood, but deepen and enliven our relationship with it, then encouraging our sensual side could be the answer.
Instead of turning to the vice, we move our body. This might look like dancing freely in the lounge-room as a way to move our emotions through. It might look like taking our children for a walk, in the pram or wearing our baby. Focusing on our breath to ground us, drinking in the sights and smells to remind us we’re safe and surrounded by beauty. We might bathe with essential oils, listening to soothing music and devoting energy to self-massage.
When we are truly exhausted, we only need to lie down and inquire as to how each part of our body feels, sending it love through breath and awareness.
This is more than “self care”, although indeed, it is.
It’s cultivating a new, intentional relationship to our whole being as an embodied mother.
It’s developing awareness beyond what we think we should be doing and tuning into what our body knows is the right path for us, while honouring our role with love and compassion.
This is the sensuality we don’t see in the media. Lace, red lipstick, sexy moves are not required (yet welcome, if that lights you up!) All that’s necessary is a conscious commitment to feel and move. This is the access point to receptivity and self-soothing.
Although it might sound counter-intuitive, getting out of our head and into our feeling body is the medicine for overwhelm.
And the best part is, we don’t have to go to a class, spend money or devote lengthy time to these practices. Once they start to become part of our everyday, they are tools we can call upon, even when completely depleted.
3. Our capacity for intimate, rich relationships will expand and deepen
If you have found yourself stuck in the bitter parenting competition trap, then you’re most certainly not alone.
I would say this was one of the most consuming, poisonous pitfalls of my first few years as a mother. Every day I relentlessly fed the resentment I had for my husband’s perceived freedom, while I struggled to reconcile the new, foreign identity I’d befallen.
On reflection, I can see that I was so disconnected to myself that I was unable to effectively communicate my real needs or be clear on my boundaries as a new mother.
I just knew I felt frustrated. Misunderstood. Overwhelmed. Lost.
But all of this just came out as envy and spite, rather than reflections of my embodied truth.
Partners who engage with one another from their wounds will find themselves in an un-winnable battle. Partners who engage from their wounds AND who co-parent will inevitably face tumultuous terrain when raising children from this tender, triggered space.
What the Sensual Mama can offer this dynamic is revolutionary.
Of course, commitment from both parties is required to ensure that intimacy thrives; however a woman in deep relationship to her body is a woman who understands the difference between responding from her wounds and articulating integral needs or establishing firm boundaries derived from embodied self-worth.
In her power, this embodied mama can activate a relational shift from a pattern of resentment, frustration and disconnect into authentic, honest intimacy.
This shift doesn’t come from external happenings, although they will contribute. It doesn’t come from a partner “agreeing” or “submitting” to the whims of his woman. It comes from a powerfully magnetic energy that the Sensual Mama inhabits.
An energy invoked each time she prioritises pleasure over mindless pursuits of “productivity”. Energy that expands when she spends time in nature, slowing her breath and feeling her heart. Energy that pulses in her womb space as she dances in the depths of her feminine essence.
It comes from her claiming her worth as a sensual woman, who also happens to be a mother.
Without the martyrdom.
Without the victimhood.
Without the reliance on another to fill her cup.
As you may have realised, the Sensual Mama is more than she may initially appear. In motherhood, we may easily dismiss her. We might push her to the side for when we have more time, or once we’ve finished with the important business of child-raising.
But that, dear mama would be a mistake. For she lies within you and she needs only an invitation to work her magic and enliven your motherhood beyond anything you had imagined.
If you feel drawn to meeting your Sensual Mama, I would be honoured to support you.
I invite you to join me for a complimentary 40-minute discovery call where I will show you how you can harness not only her magic, but the potent qualities of all 8 Diamond Mother Archetypes, to connect to your powerful body-based wisdom and cultivate deep self-knowing, trust and confidence as a mother.
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Until then glorious woman,